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The Forum > Article Comments > Hovering > Comments

Hovering : Comments

By Simone Richardson, published 4/12/2015

The hover: that all too familiar, yet little spoken of marital dance. I can well imagine the situation.

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Talk about talking in a coded language. I am sure almost any female would understand instantly what this "hovering" was about.

Me, being a bloke wondered if it was about compulsive vacuuming ;)

Imagine if "Mark" wasn't hovering, then the discussion would be about;

"He doesn't find me attractive anymore"

or

"He doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore"

or

"Maybe, he is having an affair?"

The other side of the coin is that the more Mark's 'hovering' is rejected, the more half hearted his attempts at intimacy become. The more he will fear being rejected and possibly he will withdraw more.
Posted by Wolly B, Friday, 4 December 2015 9:26:41 AM
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She could always try being a bit more loving and giving.
Posted by Jardine K. Jardine, Friday, 4 December 2015 12:47:18 PM
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When the boot is on the other foot and the man has a lower sex drive than his wife, the whine and manblaming is the same. It would be all Mark's fault again. Mark would be 'uwell' both physically and mentally - definitely the latter. He would be given a short time to recover' his senses, then the verbal battery would rev up and the retribution. Along with speculative gossip that runs him down everywhere and in every way.

This man cannot comfort a woman. No man can do that, can he Simone and of course you are right to have him own too, his own disqualification him too for disqualifying himself from any sharing of intimacy. Of course he is responsible anyhow for the woman's pain, shame, humiliation and feelings of inadequacy etc (the list develops daily).

The annual damning of all men that is White Ribbon Day has just passed. Rosie Batty and her mates have thoroughly busted men as being controlling and dangerous. The Prime Minister has echoed them and the men in the federal Parliament have taken a special drubbling from a not so rosy lecture.

Women are fools to have anything to do with men. They should run from having anything at all to do with them. So, what in hell was your woman friend thinking of that she didn't have a 'Wonderful Woman' as her spouse instead, Simone? Please explain.
Posted by onthebeach, Friday, 4 December 2015 1:46:13 PM
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Simone,

You have to get the foreplay right. I used to go straight to sleep, but wake up about three o'clock, go for a leak, come back and poke her gently in the back and say "Hey, are you awake ?" Seemed to work, at least once a fortnight.

Joe
Posted by Loudmouth, Friday, 4 December 2015 2:11:19 PM
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If you must be the one who initiates the poke with Princess, there is plenty of choice out there. Jack her up and move her out.
Posted by onthebeach, Friday, 4 December 2015 4:20:40 PM
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Gays can have marriage. Frankly whiney (most) women are just not worth it, especially as once one of their friends doesn't like you, you're out with everything gone.
Posted by McCackie, Saturday, 5 December 2015 10:52:11 AM
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McCackie,

Oh, I think that women are worth it, all right. Ultimately, what else is there in life ? You just have to get the foreplay right, as I said. Of course, you also have to get the fore-foreplays right as well, not to mention the various post-post-foreplays too. That's a lifetime's effort, and it's called marriage.

It might feel like that pigeon tapping the bar five thousand times before he gets the pellet of food, but wow ! it's worth it. In reality, the everyday life in those five thousand taps is as satisfying as the five thousandth. You should be so lucky :)

Cheers,

Joe
Posted by Loudmouth, Saturday, 5 December 2015 11:52:26 AM
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Women don't know what they want.

The best advice for men is to always keep themselves in trim and well dressed. Have their own mind, an independence that is never taken away by that really stupid advice that, 'a happy wife is a happy life'.

Men who are needy and constantly pander to women, not that any poster here is recommending that, don't realise that is a certain recipe for a long droughts in lovemaking. Any that occurs is either sympathy (women are not known for much sympathy where a needy man is concerned), or a necessary concession to keep the wallet and shelter for the present. Either way it is a chore.

The elephant in the room is why is do women who have had independence for yonks still feel the need to go on and on and on about 'unsatisfactory' men? What is it with all of those 'men are *expletives*' columns in the daily rags?

Whatever happened to Nancy Sinatra's boots (1966!)? Problem solved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbyAZQ45uww
Posted by onthebeach, Saturday, 5 December 2015 2:08:55 PM
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Jesus, her husband can levitate and all this woman worries about is watching some crappy TV show? Some people have strange priorities.
Posted by Toni Lavis, Sunday, 6 December 2015 5:30:57 AM
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No, most women are twisted inside. Women are liberated and will hand it out for free. Just don't let them sink their claws into your home.
Posted by McCackie, Sunday, 6 December 2015 9:11:01 AM
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Hi McCackie,

Rather bitter and twisted, as Charlie Sheen would say ? Having led a sheltered life, I can recall only one woman, about forty five years ago, who took more than her share of the family home - perhaps because, come to think of it, she was the one working, he was boozing her money away. Fair enough.

Hi LEGO,

Yes, the War disrupted so many people's lives: so many men didn't come back (Clive James' father, for instance); many came back very damaged (whingey Germaine's father: he neglected her, poor dear).

My father was on the munitions trains from Sydney to Brisbane throughout the war and afterwards, used to drink heavily and knock our mum around. She got an order out against him, we kept moving from place to place around Lakemba and Chullora. How the hell we survived I don't know: a woman couldn't get anything for the first two years, and could blow that if he came back for a few nights; start all over again.

I recall her working at a factory while she put us three kids, 5, 4 and 2, in the play-ground next to it, she would duck out every break to make sure we were still there. But I think that only lasted a few days. An old lady looked after us with a lot of other kids in a small room with benches for another few days, we sat there all day with our arms folded, no talking allowed. You develop an awareness of mortality pretty early, don't you ?

Our grand-dad looked after us for a few months, but our mum couldn't afford to keep him: she says he came there skinny and left fat. I think we spent a lot of time at our grand-mother's in Gymea while our mum worked in s metal factory. But she found another bloke, a lovely, quiet man - in fact, my only memory of my real father is him beating up our soon-to-be step-dad.

Yes, Gen X and Gen Y kids, how easy our lives were.

Cheers,

Joe
Posted by Loudmouth, Sunday, 6 December 2015 9:40:30 AM
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Fella's, I think we just got the cold shoulder.
Posted by Wolly B, Monday, 7 December 2015 5:28:28 PM
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I was hoping for more from the article. It's a topic that plagues many relationships with little credible broader discussion. What's described in the article is not a loving two way relationship. We don't know enough to know why Mark is still there.

Does not feel he has other options, kids involved, a loyal person, loves his partner despite his needs being treated as something to be ignored as far as possible?

The word "need" can be stretched but it's a small subset of men who don't place regular (as in often) sexual intercourse quite a bit above a take it or leave it want.

Society has rightly dealt with outlawing rape within marriage but has not from what I've seen even attempted to discuss the other side of the equation. Societal norms are still pretty much against "cheating" and "cheaters" and I remain undecided about the validity of those surveys thats claim sexual infidelity is rampant. Plenty of serial monogamy but generally getting some elsewhere because your partner is overly fond of watching pointless TV and other distractions is still generally cause for some pretty bitter recriminations, potential loss of friends etc.

The opportunists ware generally quick to claim that it's just that men don't do enough housework but I very much doubt thats all there is to it.

It is a topic that needs some serious rethinking within our culture. If we value monogamy (serial or otherwise) then ignoring the hovering and or lots of headaches, finding reasons why children need to sleep in the room and various other tactics are not valid answers.

R0bert
Posted by R0bert, Monday, 7 December 2015 7:50:30 PM
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4 guys meet to play golf, and they started comparing notes.

The first bloke said that this game cost him a new car for his wife.

The second bloke said that this game cost him a diamond ring for his wife.

The third said that this game of golf cost him a new car and a house.

The fourth bloke was silent, and they pressured him to reveal how much this game of golf had cost him.

He said he rolled over and asked his wife; "Golf or Sex?"

"Pick up your golf clubs on the way out!" was the reply from his wife.
Posted by Wolly B, Monday, 7 December 2015 8:24:24 PM
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