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The Forum > Article Comments > Let's hear it for monogamy > Comments

Let's hear it for monogamy : Comments

By Ben-Peter Terpstra, published 19/5/2014

Another important study, The World Family Map, found that 70% of Australians believe a child needs to grow up in a home with both a mum and dad to be happy.

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So your position is that we should force people into a particular type of marriage, even if they don't want that type, because forcing people to do things 'liberates' them?

All your arguments against forcing women into polygamy apply to forcing people into heterosexual monogamy as well. It's the forcing that's the problem, not the result.
Posted by Jon J, Monday, 19 May 2014 7:14:47 AM
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"Only humans can make the often difficult decision to stick to a single sexual partner." And Galahs ... you forgot Galahs ... people always forget Galahs when they try to write a 'serious' article with no factul basis.
Posted by Nigel from Jerrabomberra, Monday, 19 May 2014 9:35:51 AM
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"Forcing"? Jon J, I didn't see any reference in the article to forcing people into a particular form of marriage, what I read was about the need for people to stand up for something they think is important. Isn't that the basis of democracy?
Posted by Ian D, Monday, 19 May 2014 9:38:42 AM
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I agree with the basis premise of this article. Monogamy is best for children.

As long as nobody tries to make it mandatory. That's always the risk.
Posted by DavidL, Monday, 19 May 2014 9:48:44 AM
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Jon J,
You betray a bias in your post and one that is endemic in LGBTI activism, prejudice against mixed orientation couples.
Inter-orientation marriages have become the new taboo and like all taboos their basis is superstition and ignorance, who says mixed orientation marriages are something to fear or to be ashamed of?
Lets not forget too the dirty secret of coercion and use of force in same sex relationships, the problem is not that "society" is peeping through the blinds into the bedrooms of LGBTI people, it's that they're looking the other way.
Posted by Jay Of Melbourne, Monday, 19 May 2014 9:59:10 AM
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Well that should mean we outlaw divorce! LOL!
Better a loving same gender family united and committed to each other, than a allegorical cat and a dog forced to cohabit out of economic necessity and or, religious indoctrination!
What sort of environment is that to raise children!
And then we wonder why many young immature rebels leave home at an early age, and then need to engage in some very immoral practices, simply to survive.
And then need something, usually addictive or self-harming, to help them live with their circumstances or suppress the conscience, and so on, in a downward immoral spiral, that only has one or two possible destinations!
Rhrosty.
Posted by Rhrosty, Monday, 19 May 2014 12:03:47 PM
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The author also raises another side issue, or rather his suggestion that it's not always easy to commit to monogamy made me think.
Why do LGBTI activists assume that marrying another person of the same sex is the best option for same sex attracted people?
Many of us could relate to the following hypothetical situation:
A young woman I know has as her best friend and flatmate a young Gay man, they're inseparable and absolutely adore each other, they've each dated one or two men in the past but nothing serious has evolved from those affairs and frankly I and their other friends think they're perfect for each other. Wouldn't the best course of action for their friends and family be to encourage and support them and to promote marriage as one of the options open to them?
After all it's a fact that people in long term,loving relationships are healthier and live longer, it's true that a proportion of people are not interested in or don't often engage in sexual relations anyway and that the number of single person households is on the rise.
Getting to the point the impression one gets from LGBTI activists is that homosexuality is an uncontrollable urge and that marrying a person of the opposite sex would be a fate worse than death or a trigger for suicide. Maybe we in mainstream society need to start putting out the idea that mixed orientation marriages can work, that being with someone who loves and respects you is a better option than living an openly homosexual lifestyle if that lifestyle leads ultimately to loneliness, substance abuse and alienation from society?
Posted by Jay Of Melbourne, Monday, 19 May 2014 2:50:24 PM
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J o M What ever happened in your earlier life, has left you ignorant as well as arrogant; on the emotional needs of Gay people.
Also your continuous interest in gay people, borders on an obsession which would appear to indicate the need for counselling.
Posted by Kipp, Monday, 19 May 2014 3:42:34 PM
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Kipp,
Oh so the emotional needs of Gay people ARE different to the emotional needs of normal people?
Equality is a two way street, we have to put up with slurs like "hompohobe" and "bigot" and have every flaw in our way of life or peculiar heterosexual trait commented upon and ridiculed by your side but we're not permitted to make any counterpoint?
The LGBTI motto might as well be "Your liberty ends where my feelings begin".
As for my past life colouring by views of the LGBTI community you're right, I have an almost pathological hatred of bullies, prigs and martinets which stems from my childhood, that's why I oppose the Left, LGBTI activists and all the other totalitarian humanist thugs.
Posted by Jay Of Melbourne, Monday, 19 May 2014 4:53:05 PM
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When people feel trapped in a loveless marriage one of the most common ways to deal with the denial is to go in search of studies that promote marriage as beneficial to everyone except the loveless person.

Many of these studies are actually instigated by people in loveless marriages who use taxpayer funds to pay for their work. It is like they are trying to ennoble their own suffering by showing how marriage is necessary for the welfare of children and how it is fundamental to the stability of society. Somehow this gives them a reason not to face the misery of their own relationship. If marriage is so vital to us as human beings then why do we need to back this up with a study? It should be self-evident. Studies into marriage are a new phenomena and perhaps they have emerged because new freedoms to leave marriage are now available which were not so in the past. This causes anxiety amongst those in loveless relationships. If there is now a way out of a loveless relationship then the loveless person has to ask themselves whether they want to pursue that way or remain in the ‘security’ of a soulless marriage. Those who remain will deny their insecurity and rationalise it by telling everyone they are really doing it for the good of the children or the strength of society.

Society is at its best when its individuals have as many freedoms as possible which do not impinge on the rights of others. The freedom to enter and leave any type of relationship is fundamental to the welfare of society. How much damage was done in the past by people that were trapped in loveless relationships compared to today? Now there’s a study!

Society is also at its best when its individuals act with integrity. When people act according to the way they truly feel about their partner then they are at peace and are much more likely to be of value to those around them. When people do the opposite they create stress for everyone.
Posted by phanto, Monday, 19 May 2014 5:47:25 PM
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Towards understanding the reasons for divorce
Ilene Wolcott and Jody Hughes 1999
http://www.aifs.gov.au/institute/pubs/WP20.html#perceived

"Only a small proportion of men and women (less than 2 per cent) specifically mentioned sexual incompatibility as a main reason for divorce."
The top three reasons cited by respondants for divorce,communication problems, incompatibility/drifting apart and infidelity accounted for almost 70% of all divorces in this particular study.
Posted by Jay Of Melbourne, Monday, 19 May 2014 8:03:39 PM
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The author conflates two very different things – polygamy and same-sex marriage. It seems plausible to me that children generally fare best with parents who are a couple in a loving, stable, permanent and exclusive relationship. It is far less important that the couple are one male and one female.

Also, what if the couple are not in a loving, stable, permanent and exclusive relationship? If they can no longer stand each other, or one is abusive and cruel, is it better that they stay together, or vis divorce a lesser evil? I know two estranged couples who stayed together until their children grew up, then divorced. It took a great toll on both parents, and it’s not clear the kids were any better off growing up in households with parents who didn’t like each other.
Posted by Rhian, Tuesday, 20 May 2014 3:08:49 PM
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Research based on truth is of no value to those who want to justify their lifestyles. You don't need to spend money to see that kids need a dad and mum. Just visit any prison in Australia. Ninety five per cent of inmates hate or don't know their dads.
Posted by runner, Thursday, 22 May 2014 9:05:14 PM
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