Bec_young mum of 2

so you feel ok that you by the authors definition is a 'child abuser'? Sounds to me you are doing a great job. I wonder if Poirot also agrees with the author that you are a child abuser.

I point out that the author has a corrupt nature along with everyone else and am accused of labelling people I disagree with. The simple fact is we all (including people I agree with) have in us rebellion to varying degrees. The best most effective method of shaping a childs character is through love and discipline. Smacking is one if not the most effective methods at times as you have found out. You won't find studies confirming the obvious but just observe the parents who fail to bring kids throwing tantrums under control and you can usually predict accurately the outcome.

Runner, I like you resent the label "Child Abuser", however in this case I choose to pick my battles. Thank you, I try my best. I like to think my children and I have a great friendship...but I will always be their parent first and foremost. I do find myself not disciplining my children in public the same way I do at home. Some will pick up on that and accuse me of hiding what I know is wrong, but it is honestly the thought of defending myself for the next hour that stops me from smacking my children publicly. My son threw a 40min tantrum in a hospital waiting room the other day because I wouldn't let him run around. It was hideous! screaming at the top of his lungs, wiggling and fighting to get loose. People had mixed reactions, some tried distracting him, some asked me to let him run, another wanted to feed him a lolly! 2 are rewards for bad behaviour and another whilst a good idea didn't work. It was driving me insane knowing all it would take is a smack on the butt, followed by a strong NO to pull him into line...but I didn't dare. Finally once he realised I wasn't going to give in he was happy to play with the toys available and read some books but by then half of the waiting room was deaf and the other half had given me enough unhelpful advise to sink a battleship. I must say, I strongly disagree with anyone that would seek to smack a child for doing wrong without seeking to reward the smallest bit of good behaviour. Clapping and cheering is my young blokes favourite reward for doing something right, even if I have had to growl beforehand.

Bec,

I get your point about very young children and tantrums...although I've yet to see a full blown tantrum being cut short by a smack :)

Stuff the onlookers. Young children chuck wobblers - that's what they do occasionally. I've had to carry my son out of shops when he was very young. Don't let it get to you. It's just something that happens now and then.

runner is very keen to paste epithets on anyone he disagrees with. He's made a career on OLO doing just that. He tends to jettison that bit of his Christian faith (whenever it's convenient)...you know the bit about not judging.....

Here we go again ...

I'm now both abused child and child abuser ... Cry me a river while I drown myself in depths of self-pity and guilt ...NOT!

ABUSERS are parents (or substitutes like Mummy's new BF) who physically and/or emotionally batter the child - sometimes to death and/or neglect basic needs. Too many out there and too often children removed from such situations barely recover from injuries and become accustomed to 'normal' carers than the "System" wants them back with Mummy and/or Daddy (She's not with the BF who put the toddlers hands on the hotplate anymore and swears she's off the gear ...) Wonderful news for the 21 yr old Social Worker preparing another "successful" reunion as per Departmental policy. If you're a punter put money on this scenario repeating several more times before the child is permanently removed - dead or alive. Odds are very good ...

If dingbats who think they are "experts" through blind ideology cannot tell the difference between a parent using smacking, as one tool, to correct a young child and ABUSE we really should be telling them to pull their heads in.

I don't hear about the Royal Australasian College of Physicians embarking on a campaign to have severely abused children removed permanently from dysfunctional dangerous environments - before irreparable physical damage occurs and psychological damage becomes overwhelming? Because that's what is happening and has been for a long time. Until I do, I call Hypocrites and Frauds!

IMO this is a College 'ego trip' attempting to flex their influence and power. The 'soft target' is the responsible caring parent who is doing their best.

Anyway does anyone truly believe legislation banning smacking will result in better parents and children? Will it impact one iota on levels of bona fide abuse?

If yes, will they explain how, drawing of course on legislative changes like banning corporal punishment in schools and 'social experiments' like encouraging parents to believe they should be their childs 'best friend' and how these changes have brought about benefits? Or maybe not?

Doctor Benjamin McLane Spock has a lot to answer for. In fact I'm quite sure we can trace the whole problem of the dysfunctional thuggish culture we see in much of our youth, & young adults right to his door, & the fools who could not see through the silly ideas in his book when they read it.

I am also quite sure that most cases of so called ADHD could have been cured by the application of the back of a parent's hand, firmly to the ear of the young offender. If applied early enough in the development of the behavior trait, one or perhaps a couple of lessons should be enough.

When I was about 10 I was lucky. A visiting uncle taught me a simple lesson. While playing in the yard I had got a bit too rough, & must have hurt him. I suddenly found myself propelled some distance across the yard, to a painful landing on my butt.

In that moment he had taught not to inflict pain on anyone, unless prepared to accept pain in return. It took only that one lesson, & has served me well ever since.

In all areas, home school & the street the lack of effective punishment is what has led to our current problems. Just a quick glance at Singapore & their use of the cane, & a comparison of public & domestic behavior, there & here, should prove the point to any fair minded observer.

'runner is very keen to paste epithets on anyone he disagrees with. '

and yet Poirot is happy to agree with the author that you Bec is a child abuser. how sleazy can one be.