Sorry phanto but in your world of phanto-sy you have lost sight of the forest for the trees.

I never smacked my children out of anything bar desire to curb dangerous or bad behaviour. This is probably the case for most parents who smack. Smack, not beat the child with a wire coathanger and throw it across the room. Yes - at the time I was undoubtedly angry/frustrated/stressed by whatever it was that the child did. Just as I was when employing OTHER methods of discipline - such as verbal reprimand, banished to the bedroom, being denied access to a favoured toy or pastime, missing out on a treat etc. Because I'm HUMAN and that's how we feel when our child acts stupidly or badly.

However I tried not to let my feelings boil over (because I am an ADULT and expected to control myself) so as to deliver whatever was appropriate in a calm manner. Undoubtedly there were instances I could have done better, the human factor once more but because our children were well trained and disciplined from the start, occasions where one of us needed to exercise parental wrath were not common. One thing I am fully confident of - as parents we've done 'OK'. That is if 3 adult kids, partners and grandies who are close to us and each other is evidence.

So by all means apply the airy theories to your own household phanto but leave others to follow common sense. If you want a cause to champion - try convincing authorities to remove severely abused or neglected children from their parents permanently and place them in adopted or permanent foster families. Believe me - any 'damage' caused by separation from biological parents is nothing compared to that caused by constant removal and return and ongoing trauma - physical & mental.

Rant over ... Nothing further on this subject

When my first child was very young, I remember discussing this with a friend of mine who is a paediatrician, and his advice was that while smacking should generally be avoided, there were a few circumstances where it could be effective.

Smacking should be reserved to only where toddlers' actions put them in danger. The toddler is not sufficiently mature enough to understand the danger, nor really able to understand the urgency. A smack is immediate punishment, and where infrequent, will impart upon the child that this is different.

However, once past the age of 5 there is no justification. Using this guide I never smacked my kids more than a few times in their lives, and in each case, the desired response was instant and effective.

While I understand the nanny state trying to protect a few children from abusive parents, I would rather advocate punishment for abuse and guidelines for responsible parents.

Ok I will concede that point, but will add that the main reason to smack is not to inflict pain, it is to get the child's attention...knowing that we will inflict pain as we do so. Not a lasting pain, a short burst of minor physical pain. I do not smack my child with the mentality of "You are going to hurt for that" or "You deserve to pain". But rather "Switch your ears on" and "Listen".
And yes a "person from the blue" smacking my child would make me question then, however if I thought they had a good enough reason and did it in a constructive way I would not take offence. However if they saw my child misbehaving and walked up and smacked them I would be angry for not trying to reason or ask the child to behave first.

Divine_msn said:
Goodness me phanto, I feel you are not OK.
And
Sorry phanto but in your world of phanto-sy…

You would not need to patronise me or ridicule me unless you felt threatened by my opinions.

I think one of the reasons why adults try to justify smacking is because it raises questions for them about their relationship with their parents rather than their relationship with their children. They need to convince themselves that physical assault of children can be justified because they were assaulted themselves as children and if it is not reasonable then it opens a can of worms in their relationship with their parents even if those parents are long dead. If they accept that their parents were wrong about that behaviour then what else were they wrong about that they may need to address. What other things have their parents done to them which have had detrimental effects on their adult lives?

It is often much less threatening to maintain a wrong position than it is to face the reality of the bad parenting that they received. Maintaining that wrong position often causes them to become aggressive as they seek to defend the denial they have about their own parents.

The problem is that there are victims of maintaining such denial and they are the young children for whom they are bound to care.