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The Forum > General Discussion > Stay at Home dads

Stay at Home dads

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The number of men who chose to stay at home and look after children is growing. In the US they have their own annual convention.

Are we becoming a more equal society? Or are there other reasons why men become the prmary child carer?
Posted by Man At Home, Tuesday, 13 March 2007 1:22:48 PM
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I've not done the stay at home dad thing (other than for specific days) but my experience as a single dad over the last 4 and a bit years leads me to think that social acceptance of the role of dads as prime carers is changing quite rapidly.

People are becoming more aware of the issue and seeing enough positive examples to realise that some of the old myths are just that. Good parenting is about a willingness to put effort into the job, not what you do or don't have between your legs.

At my son's out of hours care a significant proportion of the parents I see when I pick my son up are dads, something that was a lot rarer some years ago.

It used to be that the only males you would see in posters and brochures at relationship/counselling centers were the ones featuring males as abusers or explaining our obligations for child support, Centacare were featuring a number about the role of dads last time I was there (not sure if RA have changed).

I think that there is still a way to go, I have the impression that male prime carers still face suspicion when parents are considering leaving their child to play.

I had a discussion with a work collegue a couple of years ago who was struggling with the idea that her partner wanted to take some leave and be a stay at home parent. The idea that doing so could be important to her partner was not somthing she had really thought through.

An increased role for males as prime carers is embraced by some men and women and resisted by some men and women.

The challenge is to open up freedom for both men and women to make choices which best suit their own and their families needs while reducing the social pressures to choose a certain way based on gender rather than ability.

R0bert
Posted by R0bert, Tuesday, 13 March 2007 7:10:27 PM
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My son-in-law is a stay at home dad as my daughter is the big wage earner. They have just had their fourth child. I noticed that when my daughter was in hospital having the baby the other 7year old girl in the family got very upset and wanted to stay with me at night as she said she didnt want to stay with all boys.

I often notice that where people say that the stay-at-home dad thing works well is where the children are all males. I am sure there are caring Single Dads out there with girls but I still think girls are better with their mothers as men have a different parenting style that is better suited to boys.

There is no way I would ever leave my children at a daycare centre with males in charge. Even though a lot of those males may be caring and genuine. As a mother my instincts would ere on the side of caution knowing that men are highly sexually charged.

Despite women's liberations idea that childcare should be shared equally I notice that most childcare centres are staffed by women for the reason that I stated above.
Posted by sharkfin, Tuesday, 13 March 2007 9:53:40 PM
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Sharkfins post is a red rag to a bull (aka 'stay at home dad of two girls'). Male and female style of care may be different but who is to say one is better than the other.

Why wouldnt you leave your children with a male? Are they not trustworthy? In some areas male nannies are becoming in demand (called mannies).

With my children being girls their friends that come to play are mostly girls. At times I supervise 4 to 5 girls.

Possibily we are all not used to seeing male carers and they have not had the chance to show what a good job they can do.
Posted by Man At Home, Wednesday, 14 March 2007 7:32:24 AM
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Man at home, Sharkfin seemed to be attepting genuine comment in the post rather than just stiring the pot. The sexism shown in the post reflects my own impressions, to many parents still cling to some sexist stereotypes and ignore the evidence. The changes I've seen have been more in dealing with professionals rather than the mums networks.

Both parents generally bring different things to the mix, neither is necessarily better than the other or more suited (assuming that the parent is willing to make an effort at their parenting).

Women do the majority of substantiated child abuse and neglect (but that is offset by them having the majority of time with kids in their care). Women commit a significant proportion of substantaited sexual abuse of boys and sexual abuse of children forms a very small proportion of substantiated abuse and neglect.

Men and women have strengths and weaknesses as parents and as human beings. Continuing to hold to old stereotypes that may be based on some fact and a lot of misrepresentation does none of us any good.

If it's true that men are more sexually charged than women then maybe we are more used to restraining our urges
- or maybe both parts of that are arguments of convenience and the reality is that human behaviour is much more complex than simple stereotypes.

R0bert
Posted by R0bert, Wednesday, 14 March 2007 7:58:07 AM
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I was brought up by my dad (and was one of three girls), as my mother died when we were quite young (youngest was 4). Dad never remarried (or even found a girlfriend), so he was always our primary carer - the only times we ever stayed away from home was when he was sick in hospital. I dont feel that any of us suffered as a result or were subject to worse parenting. If anything I hold very high standards for my husband (who mutters about it constantly!), as I know from experience that men can be great carers. Dad is still adamant that women are better with little children, as he believes they are "gentler"
Posted by Country Gal, Wednesday, 14 March 2007 9:49:22 AM
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