@Foxy,

Oh, an introvert. He wants to obsess over it. Does he have any pets? If not, then get him a pup or a kitten, and let him obsess over that...someone else that needs a loving home. He'll say it's a damned inconvenience, but thank you for it in years to come. Don't suggest it or ask. Just do it. (You might subtly check if he's allergic to anything first).

It's amazing how being forced to care for someone or something else, can quickly lift ones spirits, due to the distraction of those considerations. He's also then not returning to an empty house either. Anyway, it's just a suggestion that everyone may also get some fun out of, in the choosing and delivery of the pet.

@Jayb, "My first one took about 18 months. The second one 6 months & the 3rd, about a month before."

Yeah, I know what you mean. The stat was based on first-timers of long-term relationships.

Unfair on the animal, but.

>>Does he have any pets? If not, then get him a pup or a kitten, and let him obsess over that...Don't suggest it or ask. Just do it. (You might subtly check if he's allergic to anything first)<<

You might also "subtly check" whether it is appropriate to inflict this person on a blameless animal. It could be the perfect way to ensure two living creatures are miserable, instead of just one.

Never mind, they can't answer back anyway. Who cares, eh?

I'd love to get him a pet, a dog would be
my choice. But I'll have to think about it.
Pericles might be right - what if he would
neglect the animal in his current state of mind?

He's a caring man, so he probably wouldn't.
But I'll have to talk to hubbie - who knows him
better than I do.

My only piece of advice, reinforced via some of the comments on this thread, is not to patronise him. Leave him the hell alone. It's the least anyone can do.

Be a real friend. It's not about you and your need for him to cheer up and your fear he may top himself, and your need to feel like a good friend and feel needed.

Foxy,

I would rule pets out until more is known. There is a growing intolerance of animals in Australia, as people become more involved in other people's business. This was not helped by recent anti-cat spin by government eager for any rationalisation to bring in new registration to collect taxes for cats. You might note that few dogs are heard in many suburbs and cat owners are locking their animals indoors 24/7 for risk of injury, deliberate or otherwise.

We are animal lovers too and a dog or a cat is great company and therapy, but check it out well first. Has he had a pet before?

Dear Houellie,

Thank You for your advice.
And for your concern about
the needs of our friend.

However, perhaps I didn't make it quite
clear. He's the one who's been reaching out
to my husband and I. He keeps telling us how
grateful he is for our support and how much he
relies on us. He's the one
who keeps emailing, ringing us, asking us when
he can see us - and so on.
That's why I started this thread - to get
advice on how to help him cope. And, Thanks
to the many caring posters, including yourself,
- I've had some
excellent advice. Of course we're going to
use our judgement in what we're able to do
for him. We have no intention of taking over
his life. He's got to live it as he sees fit.
We're there if and when he needs us.

Dear Cornflower,

Thanks for your advice, but don't
worry -
my husband tells me to forget about the pet.
Certainly at this time, as our friend is in
no current mental state to look after a pet.