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The Forum > Article Comments > The forgotten victims of prostitution > Comments

The forgotten victims of prostitution : Comments

By Jehane Sharah, published 12/11/2008

There are victims of the trade of prostitution who rarely get a mention: the partners of the men who use them.

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On the other hand, I guess it also ought to be said that some women might prefer their partner to pay a prostitute than have any other sexual liasons external to a marriage. Sure there must still be some prostitutes out there who carry one or more STDs, but at the bottom line, and particularly down there in Canberra, the sex workers industry is quite heavily self regulated so as to prevent harm from STDs.

Think about it, who has most to lose from catching an STD, the prossie, or her client? For the client, it is the health of himself and potentially also wife, while for a prossie, her (or his) own health, and that of a partner, but also financial income.

Quite apart from the health issues and general issues of fidelity, anybody might be upset about their loved one using a prostitute, because it implies something about their nature. Prostitutes call their work "turning tricks" after all.

When prostitution was legitimised in the ACT, a friend from my teenage years went into that profession, and I asked if I could go with her to an interview at a brothel one day, to find out. Prostitutes are, on the whole, well worth talking with about their work.

Did you know, that when economies are booming, men pay less for sex? Whereas in recessions, downturns and depressions, men pay more? Why? How can it be? As horrible as the contemplation is, if any woman is afraid about her partners visits to brothels, her best course of action may well be to get on line and communicate with prostitutes. (down in Canberra there is a group called W.I.S.E. who are like a prossies union, but funded by the AIDS Action Council) Many prossies regard that counselling men is a considerable part of their work, and all of them know that they would not be getting money for sex if they were not able to keep him satisfied by being a good listener.
Posted by Curaezipirid, Wednesday, 12 November 2008 4:14:37 PM
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Curaezipirid – you weren’t paying close attention: “some women might prefer their partner to pay a prostitute that have any other sexual liasons…”. That’s the proverbial rock and a hard place, quite the choice for a dutiful wife.

“keep him satisfied by being a good listener”.

Marital problems solved. Just listen to him (and turn tricks). Great him at the door with a cold, beverage, in a tantalizing state of undress, and be prepared to lend an ear....why on earth didn’t I think of that.

Right ladies, now we know how to put the prostitutes out of business once and for all. Oh that’s right, marriage is just institutionalized prostitution anyway.

Prostitutes might have a thousand, wonderful attributes – hearts of gold etc etc. But for that one minor detail: they make a business out of destroying a union that has divine sanction.

I think the article is very good. Prostitutes have a fair amount of public sympathy now that they are entitled to run legitimate, tax-paying businesses. We are told often how they are just filling a public need, supply and demand style.

Focusing on the human cost, the emotions, and the struggles of those affected by infidelity, helps bring some perspective and balance to the debate.
Posted by katieO, Wednesday, 12 November 2008 4:51:06 PM
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I liked the article as well. It ignored the reported rising levels use of sex workers by women but my impression is that men still use them at much higher rates than women so that should not be a biggy.

I agree that the breach in trust that comes from cheating on a partner is horribly wrong. I suspect that except for those who slum it the disease risk is much lower than it might be for other forms of marital sexual unfaithfulness so while thats an issue it's probably a lesser real risk than other risks.

The author points out that lack of sex in relationships is not a significant factor in peoples choices to use prostitutes. I'm not privy to any material to contradict that. The following is pondering, not a contradiction of that claim and not an attempt to justify choices which I disagree with. It's about my stuggles to put some seemingly contradictory views together in my head.

I've not managed to integrate the viewpoints I valued from this article with other viewpoints I also value. The idea that individuals own their own bodies (my body my choice) is something thats important. Should that only apply for saying no or can it also involve saying yes. I don't get where it's valid for someone who insists on a monogamous relationship to withhold sex from their partner on a regular basis but at the same time I see the validity in having provisions in the law against rape in marriage.

I see that people who are seriously dissatisfied with a marriage that they happen to be in have the freedom to move on but also understand that it's not always that simple and that few of us are entirely rational about the choices we make.

R0bert
Posted by R0bert, Wednesday, 12 November 2008 9:47:55 PM
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For a spouse the greatest betrayal is the fact that their partner slept with another person. I am not sure if it would be worse or better if it was with a prostitute.

If there are problems in a marriage would it not be better to seek a 'listener' in a marriage counsellor rather than a prostitute? This listening nonsense is a laying it on a bit thick in my book.

Nothing is really ever black and white of course but in reality we all make choices and we have to live with the consequences but the shame of it would be if an innocent party had to also endure those consequences - such as an unexpected STD.

There seems to be a predominance of high profile women standing by their men - the case the author points out and that of Hilary Clinton. It would be interesting for those women to share notes to see if it really makes any difference that one was a prostitute and the other a young intern.
Posted by pelican, Wednesday, 12 November 2008 10:23:03 PM
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This is a one-sided article. Both men and women cheat and they do it for the same reasons. Fact is though, women can get laid much more easily than men and that means not having to pay for the privilege.

Cheating by paying for a prostitute is not in the same league as having a quick fling or an affair, as women are more inclined to do. Affairs imply attachment and sharing and are often long-term, whereas fifteen minutes with a sex worker is just a physical thing. Another advantages of the sex worker is the requirement for protected sex, which reduces the likelihood of both STDs and pregnancy (false paternity claims are in the news).

I would very much prefer that a partner occasionally used the services of a sex worker than enter into a relationship, or series of relationships, behind my back. The consequences of illicit relationships can and very often do go beyond the (shock, horror) 'psychological impact' of finding out that a partner has been with a sex worker.

How interesting it is to be advised that “Prostitution behaviour in men is not natural. It is a learned activity." The same could be said about marriage and monogamy, or the inclination of some women to bed-hop, but so what?

I see this article as an extension of the same old, same old, gender wars and it doesn't help us understand or deal with the practical realities and challenges of marriage.
Posted by Cornflower, Thursday, 13 November 2008 4:14:34 AM
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Cornflower, I think you are splitting hairs. Sex outside the marriage is still sex outside the marriage (partnership, whatever). The fact that in most cases it is a secret is a good enough indication that its a problem (or will be one). If its perfectly ok, then there should be no reason to keep it a secret, at least from your partner.

An interesting focus of the article is the implication that only unfaithful married men use prostitutes. I would have assumed that there was a higher demand from single men (who may also be divorced, separated or widowed, no just youngsters). I do think that prostitution has its place for single men (or women for that matter), or even for attached men who dont keep it a secret from their partner.

The article picks up the tendency for women to look for shortcomings in other women, which is I think where the critisism of wives that stick by their philandering partners comes from. Women as a group still have a long way to go as far as being more supportive of each other goes. Any blame in this case needs to be put squarely at the foot of the men using the service - if it needs to be a secret, then chances are you shouldnt be doing it.
Posted by Country Gal, Thursday, 13 November 2008 11:29:34 AM
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Interesting article and responses. I've never paid for sex, but I have known a few 'working girls', and also have been guilty in the past of being unfaithful to the women to whom I was unfortunately married.

I think that there's a reason for the cliche that prostitution is the world's oldest profession, which is primarily that there has been and probably always will be a demand for casual sex from people (mostly men) who are either sexually unsatisfied from their relationships or who are single. While this can obviously have emotional ramifications for those who are dishonest about it and their partners, I don't think that there's anything inherently wrong with separating sex from one's emotional relationships - nor, indeed, in paying for it.

As for prostitutes making "a business out of destroying a union that has divine sanction" - what a load of rubbish. As CG has pointed out, much of prostitutes' business is derived from unmarried men - and anyway marriage is a social contract between two people. There's nothing "divine" about it except in the minds of the religiously credulous.
Posted by CJ Morgan, Thursday, 13 November 2008 12:07:57 PM
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It is just one of those sad but nessesary aspects of society.
Posted by Ph00_stains, Thursday, 13 November 2008 12:30:15 PM
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The author Sarah has much to learn of Humanities, sexuality, and the myriad psychological nuances pertaining to her pedantic analysis of the World's oldest profession - prostitution. Her hypothesis borders on naivete, hyposcisy and " good-old-aussie-scepticism ".

Much of her lateral research is taken from the Canberra Times, Queanbeyan Post. It's one thing to read the local freebies - smut stories, Parliamentary scandal sheets, New Idea and Pru Goward's emails. OLO, is anyting but.

The plight of the housewife who discovers her " soul-mate " partner has been paying for dalliance at the local bordello, is no reflection on the darling's inadquacies in the boudoir. Males, since Adam have used the lame excuse to shift the onus of their character flaws, to some innocent third party. In reality, most men subscribe to infedility, pornography, voyeurism etc, and the more " ass ",available the better. Moreover, age is no barrier. Recent ABS crime statistics attest to the prevalence of an upsurge of prepubescent females being targeted by these predators. Schoolies, come to mind. The gendarmes overseeing these venues have erected caged barriers to keep ' toolies ', and DOM (dirty-old-men) from plying their subtle ploys e.g. bogus model agencies,ice, hidden cameras etc.

Feeling empathy for distresed spouses who can readily afford Psychiatric counselling, which involves multiple sessions is not always helpful. Prescribed expensive medication on spurious trial and error regimen is the norm. Importantly, the side effects can be catastrophic, even fatal. For the remainder Angela Jolie's: tit-for-tat, adopt a toy-boy, or use a male masseur, often resolves the issue.

Blaming the hoes for her man's indiscretions is counterproductive. Not all are glamourised Kidman's. Skipped meals,diets, starvation and rampant STD's wreck lives. Inherently, there's baggage, pimps and standover heavies. Their lot is not a Heidi Klum's upmarket penthouse. Many operate from Kombi's,roadside cafe's, or walk the streets. Truckies, salesmen, blue-collared workers, and your average small businesman are the clientale. Dont expect a six-pact job at top dollar. It's wham-bam-see-you-later-sam. So competitive is the rat race, Aboriginal half-caste as young as ten, will sell their souls for glue and a stubby.

coontinued..
Posted by jacinta, Friday, 14 November 2008 9:07:49 AM
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Any recriminations from either wife or harlot is illusionary. Since the days of Salome, Jezebel, Caligula's incestuous wife Messalina, and numerous nymphs and nymphomaniacs strewn across History, people hardly raise a blase eyebrow these days. Anecdotal evidence about promiscuity, addiction,cognitive dissonance, hypersexuality, erotomania, satyriasis, and a whole gamut of neurological obsessional disorders is passe.

Quote: ' prostitution behaviour in men is not natural '. Academia naivete at it's chronic worst. Now that Homosexuality is finally out of the closet, and the Gay Mardigras gains Oz acceptance and momentum, the movement is exacerbating ten-fold. Even Police and clergy are participating. Paedophalia, pederastry etc has been practiced by the Greeks and Romans since Pompeii. The first Olympiad was a man/boy bacchanalia. Today, teen age school boys short of cash are prostituting themselves in Brisbane's Botanical Gardens and schoolies Surfer's Paradise under survellance cameras with impunity. Who pays the phoney Pied Piper ?

Why the sensitivity and hyprocrisy ? Foxtell, SBS, and all the major TV networks are all party to hawking sex. Images, soapies, commercials, all portray nudity, sexual acts, and gross indecency on the hour, by the hour. Two million viewers watched Big Brother just to glimpse pornographic displays of copulating bimbos. Foxtell's nightly after 8.30 pm programs feature sexual violence, debauchery, nudity. Censorship is nonexistent. Once it used to be counting homicides. Now, it's fornification on the Big Plasma screen !

McCann and Co, should study Kinsey, Freud and McMaster's. Puritanical norms are irresponsible.What is acceptable sexual behaviour ? Deviancy, perversion,mastubation,obsessional paranoia etc come in degrees.There is no panacea to righteous sexual norms.Internationl cultures maybe abhorrent in Noosa, yet acceptable elsewhere. Provided it dosen't transgress criminal Law, society maybe better for it.

Finally,I see no problem with using hoes.It's a business transtion pure and simple, with no emotional connotations. Why complicate things with social hangups ? Women should become aware of their sensuality; improve their self-esteem; educate and empower.

Shrinks who play on emotional, introverted, disillusional housewives for monetary gain, posing as therapist should be struck dumb.They are like ghouls in a funeral parlour.

Jacinta
Posted by jacinta, Friday, 14 November 2008 9:49:35 AM
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There is of course another point here. Its not uncommon for females
to be extremely free with their sexuality during the courting days,
but once that ring is on their fingers, they can change.

As time passes, some realise that saying yes or no can also be
used as a weapon to manipulate their partner one way or another.

Some guys eventually get sick of all these little mind games,
so find that the often much younger pro, with the perky breasts
and no hassles fun, is an inviting option to the mind game playing
female.

Should she be upset, if she tried to play dirty and lost?
Posted by Yabby, Friday, 14 November 2008 10:36:14 PM
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Yabby

You may have a point there and of course there are other factors at work including tiredness through trying to be superwoman and most people work a lot of unpaid overtime.

This article is so simplistic and single-sided that no-one has bothered to point out the obvious which is that after the first two or so years of infatuation many couples tend to take each other for granted and that is why attentions stray. It is not restricted to men and heterosexual couples.

Get annoyed or despondent about your partner visiting a sex worker or having an affair is all a bit late because the horse would have bolted long before. I don't believe in the blame game because it takes two to tango and we all have to be responsible for our own choices in life.
Posted by Cornflower, Friday, 14 November 2008 11:37:52 PM
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It's troubling that the article didn't go into the cultural values of those who are often at the worst end of this issue.

We all know the worst cases of sex slavery exist here among Asians, and in Europe it's middle-eastern, or eastern European (all the cultures with little regard for life).

Even in Australia, slavery exists. Well, in every western country that Asians have come to, there exists sex slavery. Recently in Australia a wealthy Chinese woman who ran an illegal brothel was laughing outside court after being acquitted of having a slave. She said our laws are stupid.

Another immigrant success story, eh?

While prostitiution among western women is usually one revolving around drug addictions, or easy money, it's their choice often.

I've done surveys with such women as part of my degree and this I have found common - as well as a tragic upbringing.

Among Asians however, it's simply vile cultural values - like fake debts put on women who are brought out here for the express purpose of prostitution. What sort of people could do that to another human being?

Well, unfortunately, those with Asian values. I say this only because it is a common thread - a common occurance - that in western countries there are illegal slave brothels run by Asians.

Focus on the ethnic women, who have no voice.

And don't be afraid to criticise the barbaric non-western value system.
Posted by Benjam1n, Sunday, 16 November 2008 6:43:12 AM
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