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The Forum > Article Comments > Male myths hard to kill > Comments

Male myths hard to kill : Comments

By Rob Moodie, published 31/10/2006

Many of us find excuses for violence - against women in particular.

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There are some remarkable moments in the comments following this article, and in other responses to gender issues. For simply presenting statistics which show that violence is committed at least as frequently by women as by men, and thus suggesting that to focus on male violence is unfair, the men and women who hold such views are accused of being defensive, part of a backlash, and even accused implicitly (by posters such as aqvarivs) of making excuses for their own crimes.

You'd think men’s rights groups were as far to the right as Neo-Nazis. But it seems that many people don't want to know the facts. Even after being informed of numerous studies which dispel the myth of male dominated violence, posters continue to argue that the majority of abuse is committed by males. (This is a common occurrence in response to such issues on this forum.)

DV is a human rights issue. As long as the approach to DV is presented merely as the perpetuation of patriarchal dominance, it will continue to receive vigorous criticism. Apart from alienating the sexes from each other, it is also unlikely to work, because it’s only dealing with one part of the problem. Unfortunately, as DV continues unabated, I fear that the government approach will become increasing hard-line. (We may also see increasingly explicit advertising- think TAC and QUIT- interestingly, when the effectiveness of such advertising wanes, the response has been to ramp up the impact, rather than questioning whether it is the best approach.)

I should point out that I have taken a long time to reach this view. As a naive young man straight out of high school, I fell head-over-heels for an amazing girl. The fact that she held a knife to my throat on our second date did nothing to shake my absolute devotion to her. (Common story, huh?) Over the course of a couple of years, I let her completely dominate my life- from trivial things like how long I spent in the shower, or how much noise I made when I got a cup of tea,
Posted by dozer, Wednesday, 1 November 2006 3:48:41 PM
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cont...

to alienating me from both friends and family. I swallowed, uneasily, a lot of feminist theory at university, and experienced first hand how such propaganda can be used to justify abusive behaviour. For example, she convinced me that any expression of anger on my part, no matter how trivial or justified, was evidence of my capacity for violence, a capacity which all men share, causing me to suppress such feelings.

Aside from the knife incident, I experienced many instances of psychological and emotional abuse. I can assure all that JamesH is not the first to experience sleep deprivation. Even after we broke up, the control continued until I finally learned to stand up for myself. Unable to handle the new, assertive ex-boyfriend, (as opposed to the P-whipped pushover I used to be,) our friendship ended abruptly.

Having emerged from this, I wondered if I was alone, or at best part of a very small minority. After all, my ex had experienced awful abuse at the hands of her father, (something which always caused me to downplay my own situation,) and was in desperate need of psychological help, so surely this was just an extreme case? But I have become increasingly aware of the physical, emotional and sexual abuse, among friends and family, and by numerous stories on the net, perpetrated against both sexes, by both sexes. As I have grown in confidence, I have become increasingly aware of the need to stand up to bullying from both sexes. (Bullying tactics differ little between the sexes.)

But the message I get from popular culture, government advertising, news and current affairs, and much mainstream information about DV, focuses on the idea of the male as perpetrator and the female as victim.

Simply put, it is not an accurate reflection of my own experience.

And it fails to reflect the experience of many others. The views on this page are not part of some small but virulent extremist backlash. They represent a broad section of the community, and it is imperative that they gain a voice in the mainstream media.
Posted by dozer, Wednesday, 1 November 2006 3:49:24 PM
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Dozer, well said.

Countrygal - violence, to me, is any action that is not consented to, that causes physical or emotional harm to another person. To deliberately keep someone awake when they wish to sleep, with the intention of causing that person discomfort is a form of violence.

See

http://www.community.nsw.gov.au/html/child_protect/dv.htm

Verbal abuse is considered a component of domestic violence when it is a woman being abused, but it is not often considered as a component of abuse against males. I guess men are supposed to be able to take being told that they are a lousy lover, a bad father, a poor provider etc without it being considered as abuse.

It is widely acknowledged that sleep deprivation is a form of torture. The extent in a domestic situation obviously being less than that in an interrogation, but the intention is still the same. This becomes evident when I tell you that the most likely times for my wife's attacks being before important exams and job interviews. It got to the stage when I would not tell her of these.

You ask how this is to be quantified? I would suggest that if a woman complained of being harassed in this way, the police would remove the male perpetrator.

And I just heard on the TV that 'white ribbon' day is coming up soon - wear a white ribbon to show that you won't be party to violence against women.

See

http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/index.cgi?tid=33

Why not be against all violence? The organisers of White Ribbon Day, by clearly stating that wearing a white is: "a visible sign that the wearer does not support or condone the use of violence against women or children;

Read that carefully – it deliberately excludes male victims of violence, and as such condones that violence, claiming that men must not be worthy of having that violence condemned. The omission says much. So long as a man doesn’t commit violence against women or children, as far as White Ribbon Day is concerned, a man can be a murderer, of men, and all is okay.
Posted by Hamlet, Wednesday, 1 November 2006 5:32:15 PM
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I think I might wear a black ribbon on the day.
Posted by JamesH, Wednesday, 1 November 2006 5:44:44 PM
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"Why not be against all violence? The organisers of White Ribbon Day, by clearly stating that wearing a white is: "a visible sign that the wearer does not support or condone the use of violence against women or children;

Read that carefully – it deliberately excludes male victims of violence, and as such condones that violence, claiming that men must not be worthy of having that violence condemned."

Hamlet, maybe you should have read the contents of the website more closely. In the frequently asked question part, it is stated:

"The organisers of the White Ribbon Campaign share the concern about the high rates of violence inflicted on males in Australia. As the 2006 Resource Kit states, "Males too are often the victims of violence. While boys and men are the large majority of perpetrators of violence, boys and men often are also the victims. Males are bashed up, bullied and sexually assaulted. Ending violence to girls and women and ending violence to boys and men are part of the same struggle - to create a world based on equality, justice and non-violence." (The Resource Kits of previous years have said something similar.) We would be thrilled to see a major public campaign in Australia addressing the violence that men experience. Such a campaign would be an invaluable complement to campaigns such as the White Ribbon Campaign”.

Just because there isn’t a campaign to stop violence against men, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t endeavour to stop the violence perpetrated against women. I for one am volunteering to hand out white ribbons at Martin Place on the 24th and the Tri-Nations game on the 25th, so if you are a Sydneysider it would be great if you came and bought one
Posted by la1985, Wednesday, 1 November 2006 7:20:29 PM
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Booster,

"If there are statistics showing that women are responsible for anywhere near the level of violence towards their partners as men are, then I'll take everything back. "

From a study which sampled experience of DV across the broad community rather than in target groups (such as people in a DV shelter). To the best of my knowledge this is independant work not sponsored by a mens group. A range of studies conducted around the western world over many years have shown similar results. We hit each other at similar rates. Please compare the sample methodology of this study to the studies which show men do the overwhelming majority of DV and ask yourself which is more likely to get a realistic outcome - assuming that those studies tell you where the data came from.

http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/dom/heady99.htm
% Victims
Men Women
Injured, needed first aid 1.8 1.2
Needed treatment by a doctor or nurse 1.5 1.1
Pain as bad as hitting thumb with a hammer, or worse 1.9 1.9
Called the police or other government authority 1.3 1.7

and
To sum up:

Men were just as likely to report being physically assaulted by their partners as women. Further, women and men were about equally likely to admit being violent themselves.

Men and women report experiencing about the same levels of pain and need for medical attention resulting from domestic violence.

Violence runs in couples. In over 50% of partnerships in which violence occurred both partners struck each other.

People who had violent parents were significantly more likely than others to be violent to their own partners and to be victims of violence themselves. On the other hand, a huge majority of people whose parents were violent do not assault their own partners. Moreover, the vast majority of those who are violent did not have violent parents.

Part 1 of 2

R0bert
Posted by R0bert, Wednesday, 1 November 2006 8:14:05 PM
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