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The Forum > Article Comments > Too little time > Comments

Too little time : Comments

By Emma Simone, published 30/8/2006

Shared responsibility and equal parenting time should happen before relationships break down if there is to be any chance of it happening after.

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Excellent catch John.

Another point that I think is very relevant is that we make choices about what we are willingly to sacrifice in order to gain future benefits.

Many fathers through circumstances sacrifice time with their children in order to be able to support them.

This arguement about unpaid house work is wearing very thin and it is true that men do make unseen contributions. However nobody bothers with comparing the amount of unpaid work and who contributes most to providing for the household budget. Researchers tend to be rather selective in what indicators that they are prepared to measure. I think it was Warren Farrell who when measuring the differences in the amount of work both paid and unpaid(unpaid work is not actually unpaid as it paid in benefits). His research showed that men actually put in more hours in total.

"Who sets the standard?" Bettina Ardnt 'Taking Sides' I think that mothers actually have more choice and freedom to structure their day than working fathers and can combine many activities more effectively, such as shopping and socializing and child care.
Posted by JamesH, Wednesday, 30 August 2006 8:53:39 PM
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Here is one “truism” – “The FCAC report cites Family Court of Australia figures demonstrating that in 2000-01, only 2.5 per cent of custody arrangements involved equal residency between parents”

Of course, the Family Court has been actively manipulating the agenda in favour of the feminist cause for years, both before and since 2000-01, regardless of the real needs of the children and the emotional developmental benefits through experiencing an extensive and ongoing relationship with both mother and father.

“From this perspective, the Prime Minister’s push for equal-time custody represents a potentially massive legal and cultural shift.”

A “shift” which is well overdue and desperately needed to ensure the best development of critical interpersonal relationships skills and avoidance of emotional crippling, for children of divorced parents.

As a father who insisted, despite threats from a vindictive ex-wife, to ensure my daughters were not deprived of their “Dad” and who has encouraged and watched them grow into capable and responsible adults, I can testify that, regardless of what the social engineers (who pull the strings of the family court) would plan, Fathers do matter as much as mothers in the complete development of their children and the assumption of equal responsibility is not only “sound” but undeniable, except by those who would wish society to be distorted and twisted to comply with a particularly indefensible feminist authoritarianism.

John Flanagan, - the bias is blatant!

JamesH “Many fathers through circumstances sacrifice time with their children in order to be able to support them.”

Precisely, fathers do not simply work to support their wives. We do it for our children who, we love and cherish regardless of the matrimonial circumstances.

Strange isn’t it, when the marriage is over, we do not end up with ex-children, only ex-wives. So how can anyone with even the most rudimentary of cognitive skills suggest that fathers are less significant than mothers and should be treated differently to mothers – ask the children, I know what mine say!
Posted by Col Rouge, Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:00:58 PM
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Why do we divorce? If we loved so much, why is it so popular to divorce? I am divorced, and knowhow it can happen sometimes and I believe lack of communicationis a huge problem. Maybe instead of making divorce so easy we should make marriage harder? Before marrying,it should be compulsory to mediate and work through the big issues that we avoid and learn tools to help us last as long as possible. Mediation at divorce is too little too late. No one marries to grow through the grief of divorce. You think it will last forever. You have children and when life as a couple end, you decide who needs the children more, I needed my children more and they chose me because of their needs This is my marriage and not a generalised comment on all marriages and who needs the children more.
The problem is how much resentment, anger and new partners insecurities come into play.
I dont think there will ever be a happy medium for everyone.
and the sad thing is children are tough but also very impressionable. Divorce does age them make them cynical and damages them for their turn at adult hood. They learn so much from how their parents act and react to life. We as adults need to protect them and not let them get cynical at such young ages.
Posted by alphafemale, Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:14:25 PM
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Ahhh, I get it... yo are only a "parent" if you are the one who gets to stay at home.

But if you are the one who does the overtime to support your family... somehow you are no longer a parent?

Good system!
Posted by partTimeParent, Thursday, 31 August 2006 12:20:20 AM
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Change within Australia's government regarding equal parenting time is occuring at much too slow a pace.

I am a divorced mother from the USA who, for over three years, has closely followed your country's system regarding divorce and child custody. I am saddend that more Fathers who want equal time with their children are not given the opportunity to spend that time with them.

When parents agrees that Mum will stay home while Dad works, why are Father's then punished when divorce occurs and not given equal parenting time? Maybe Mum did do more work around the house and with the kids (I know I did), but that doesn't preclude a Father from being able to assume and ENJOY the new role as a single parent. After all, divorce changes things, many things.

Children NEED both parents to play an active, as equal as possible parenting role.

Think about the future of Australia's children, growing up without the example of a Father in their lives...I shudder at the thought.

More often than not, there is a Father, ready and willing in the shadow of the system, to parent, nurture, love and cuddle his child...he's just waiting for the opportunity. He knows, from talking to legal counsel, that his chances of receiving more parenting time by fighting for it legally is slim. All he can do is hope that the system will change, before it's too late.

Be proactive, have a voice.
Posted by ParentEquality, Thursday, 31 August 2006 4:15:45 AM
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Good points all. Whilst I take a more optimistic view of the authors intents and agenda's than some most of the points being made are good ones.

It's time for discussion about paternal involvement in kids lives following seperation to be driven by reality and not the stereotypes of violent abusive men or men who abandon their families. They exist just as there are women who do those things but everybody else should not have to suffer as a result. The stats on substantiated child abuse and neglect (I've published links before) should stop any honest belief in the idea that we are protecting kids by keeping them away from their dads.

Far too many kids and parents are bing harmed by a system that is manipulated for a variety of agendas.

I still don't buy the idea that this is primarily a feminist caused issue, paternalistic views about family roles and straight out self interest seem to be the significant players along with a percentage of feminists who see the issue only on gender lines rather than the big picture.

R0bert
Posted by R0bert, Thursday, 31 August 2006 7:50:54 AM
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