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The Forum > Article Comments > The perils of pornography > Comments

The perils of pornography : Comments

By Peter Sellick, published 18/7/2005

Peter Sellick discusses the values pornography can portray

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Peter,

I think your article was brave and necessary. I am a twenty-five year old woman and it is only after years of trial and error that I have realized the massive dupe that society pushes on both men and women regarding the sexual act - executed with glamorous stylized precision - as realization of an end to loneliness.

I think in today's hyper consumerist society the things we want, such as love, companionship, mutual respect and affirmation of the self are so often stripped down and linked to a product, an instant hit, one that, like the final kiss of a romantic movie...promises to go on for ever.

Pornography represents the high watermark of this kind of stupidity. And it reinforces attitudes in men that an end to feelings of alienation and frustration can be achieved with the click of a button, instant gratification, which of course requires the complete flattening of the other person at the end of that fantasy.

I have male friends who are successful, rampantly promiscuous and then whinge about how unhappy they are in the brief moments of contemplation between distraction. And then they say things like "geez i'd really like to be married or in love." I see female friends hurt again and again in uncommitted relationships with men hoping that if she sleeps with him enought she will "bag him." constant reciprocal damage between the sexes is no way to live. thank you for highlighting this in your article.
Posted by monikasar, Wednesday, 3 August 2005 9:01:51 AM
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Monika,
I take some issue with some of what you are saying, as you seem to be inferring that porn is a “male thing”, (eg “And it reinforces attitudes in men that an end to feelings of alienation and frustration” etc).

However I think that women are now consuming as much, if not more, porn than men, particularly “soft porn”, which is being extensively marketed and sold to women by other women.

In the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, the main feature article is titled “Could it be the new Casual Sex ?”, while Dolly magazine has the latest results of the “Body Image Survey” with “Boob, bums and other random bits.”

Most of this could be regarded as “soft porn”, and the actual journalistic standard is normally about the quality of 10 week old corn flakes. (eg. “Want to know how to wear shorts and heels without looking like a playboy model? Our fashion editor gives you the inside tips.”)

These magazines sell more copies than all other magazines combined, so women are selling soft porn to other women by the truckload.

Quite often the men in these magazines are maligned (i.e. A woman can now say anything she feels like about a male) or they treated as a type of fashion accessory that can be “picked up” and then disposed of on a whim. So this is mass produced porn that is being extensively marketed, and in the process, sex and human relations are being sold as a product and eventually cheapened.

Although it has become connivent to do so, not all social problems can be blamed on them males.
Posted by Timkins, Wednesday, 3 August 2005 11:31:50 AM
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Timkins, I think men get the better end of the deal on that one. Most of the material you talk about appears to be designed to make women feel bad about themselves (with the ever present hope that by buying XYZ they can get closer to the ideal). Rather sad isn't it.

Add to that the kind of stuff that Monica refers to when she says "I think in today's hyper consumerist society the things we want, such as love, companionship, mutual respect and affirmation of the self are so often stripped down and linked to a product, an instant hit, one that, like the final kiss of a romantic movie...promises to go on for ever."

I suspect that most porn (I have not done extensive field studies) does not try an portray itself as representing real life. Porn might come out looking slightly better (scary thought). I'm guessing that most porn users know it is make believe, not sure I can say the same about the average magazine reader?

Robert
Posted by R0bert, Wednesday, 3 August 2005 1:08:56 PM
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Timkins,

Rest assured that my intention was not to malign you or your gender. I don't think that men or to blame, or that women are to blame.

Rather than blame casting between genders I think that we need to take a long hard look at some disturbing trends that are obviously emerging in a society. Why are so many people depressed, alienated, lonely , addicted to shopping/sex/port any other distraction that is fine in moderation but which in recent times seems to be embraced beyond all reason?

I personally find that the kind of articles you describe in Cosmo appalling and dehumanising of men as well. However in my opinion the 'Sex and the City' mentality, or "do-me-feminism" as it has been often called, is a sympton of the same problem of problem of alienation in a mass consumerist society.

The messages that these women's magazines send out are just as destructive as the ones from porn - at least no one is exploited in the making (although some of sarah jessica's outfits would have to be violating some kinda human right to dignity..)

We are talking about women who want love who think that men just want sex. Often these women think, "I am not going to get what I want anyway, so I am going to try and empower myself by acting like a man (or like how I think a man acts)." It is a defence mechanism whereby you deny what you really want so that you are not hurt when you don't wind up getting it.

I don't think these women sleep around and get eating disorders as a rite of passages because they are morons, and I don't think that men are developing an overreliance on sexual instant gratification and port because they are bastards. I think that with the current emphasis on 'the act' something critical has been lost. It is a shame that what has been lost is intimacy..without it most of us can barely function....
Posted by monikasar, Wednesday, 3 August 2005 3:48:27 PM
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Monika,
I would agree with your post. The majority of women’s magazines are now basically disguised porn, with a major emphasis on sex, and the relationships being portrayed or advertised in the articles are short term, hedonistic, and ad hoc type relationships.

It is interesting in a way, because I think women are being conditioned to read it. Whether it is natural for women to read it I am uncertain.

Consider “Marie Claire” magazine, which is actually is for the 30 + woman. The latest issue has the usual diets such as “The Wine, Chocolate, and Cheese Diet”, together with articles on “Hot Sex” and “803 Sexy Looks”.

Previous issues had articles such as “Be Gutsy in Bed”, “Sex, Men and Your Body”, “Angelina Jolie Spills All About Sex, World Poverty and Brad Pitt”, “Four Ways to Face Your Fears and Have Better Sex”, “Secrets to a Sexy Celeb Body”, “Pro Sex Tips”, “On Sex, Power and Getting What You Want”, “Sex with Strangers”, “Extreme Sex Boosters”, “874 Hot Sexy Looks”, “Crazy Sex Tips That Work”, “How Many Orgasms Could You Have in 2 Days” etc, etc, etc.

Sex is by far the most common topic, (not intimacy, family, long term human relationships etc), and basically the magazine is disguised porn, but there are numerous other magazines exactly the same, and women buy enormous number of copies of these magazines.

Again I don’t know if women have an innate desire to read this type of material, or they use it as a type of substitute, or they have become conditioned to reading it, but it has certainly become more popular in time.

I actually worked in a company where the Personnel Relations Officer banned men from reading magazines such as Playboy in the lunch rooms during lunch hour, but she allowed women to read magazines such as Marie Clarie. The women thought it hilarious.
Posted by Timkins, Wednesday, 3 August 2005 6:50:39 PM
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After your post Timkins, the only thing in my head is Paul Simon's '50 Ways to Leave your lover", I'm gonna slip out the back Jack, on this one, it's going nowhere after what Garra said. A healthy mind with great guidance says it all.
Posted by Di, Friday, 5 August 2005 8:30:21 PM
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