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The Forum > Article Comments > Connecting the dots: porn and women's declining libido > Comments

Connecting the dots: porn and women's declining libido : Comments

By Petra Bueskens, published 5/3/2012

Women keep looking in the 'wallpaper' and it is turning them off!

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Two posts and already we have a more nuanced view.

'Another article that is really about neuroticism not porn.'

Indeed.

'The irony is that men wouldn’t want these sexual maenads for wives'

Pretty true really. My advise to women is to just ignore it. Like men ignore TV SOAPs. It's fantasy.

It is interesting the author doesn't even consider the possibility that a lot of the men are into porn because the wives are not into sex, rather than the reverse that she argues, and that they love their wives and wish to remain monogamous.

I dunno, I have seen a lot of porn in my time, but the descriptions of what most porn is I read from most feminists is nothing like that what I see out there. When I read feminist critique of porn I see the internal insecurities of women, like a woman obsessed by their partner's glance at a young blonde when the partner is really into Asian chicks. She doesn't notice he looks at Asian chicks because she is obsessed by her own fears.

In the end women just will never get porn, and I think they'd be better off not trying really. Squeers' attempt at explaining I think is pretty accurate. It does bug me that feminists just get it so wrong.

It's strange for feminism that it doesn't even question that women should be falling over themselves so much attempting to be what men want, and be all upset at men for wanting. It's like they think women have no agency, and no desire of their own, and no concept of independence, no inherent sense of aesthetics.

There is every body shape, every age, ever kink imaginable on the internet no matter how feminists deny this and talk about some 'narrow' beauty ideal. Men look for variety and are just happy to see ANY flesh that's on show, women look at clothes horses and put them on a pedestal and want to conform. This body image rubbish is all an internal neurosis as far as I can see that bemuses most men.
Posted by Houellebecq, Monday, 5 March 2012 9:19:59 AM
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I must have missed it - where exactly does Ellwood-Clayton "join the dots" between porn and women's declining libido?

It all seems a little glib to me.

"The effects of this pornography flood are yet to be fully understood, but it inarguably harms female libido" argues Ellwood-Clayton."

Some evidence of it being "inarguable" would help. Instead, we get...

"She connects women's increasingly documented sense of physical inadequacy, exemplified by our huge and ever growing expenditure on beauty products and cosmetic surgery, as well as the relentless pursuit of diet and exercise, with our declining desires"

So, spending more on looking good is a result of "declining desires". And the physical inadequacy that drives those declining desires is... what? The availability of porn?

How so? After all, as the research shows, only a small proportion of women look at it, so the images that they presume to feel threatened by are ones they must conjure up themselves.

And what about the legion of women who feel themselves in competition, beauty-product-wise, with those images of smooth-skinned perfection in the TV ads - because "they're worth it"? Are they included in the author's perception of pornography?

"The real clincher, notes Ellwood-Clayton, is the disconnect between our minds and our bodies – we have come to perceive our bodies... through the filter of porn culture"

Sorry, I just don't find that at all convincing. When women invest in boosting their body image, it is far more likely to be as a result of the perceived threat to her relationship from his female co-workers, than a porn-star she has - apparently - never seen.
Posted by Pericles, Monday, 5 March 2012 9:45:42 AM
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Squeers, RObert and Houellie, - excellent responses.

Petra,

I am constantly amazed how the feminist movement has promoted women's participation in the manic rampage that is consumer society, and how at the same time it fails to share responsibility for emergent forms like a blood red media which delivers all kinds of subterranean images to our "highly offended" sensibilities. All societies are part psychological construct providing a veneer over corporeal and carnal reality. Our society continues to blur the lines and reveal the absurd psychological incompatibility between rectitude and reality.
Posted by Poirot, Monday, 5 March 2012 9:47:56 AM
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'disconnect between our minds and our bodies – we have come to perceive our bodies not as we feel and experience them, not as living breathing entities capable of menstruating with the moon and bringing forth new life'

This kinda stuff makes me wonder about women. I have never met a woman who would prescribe to this notion that women should be in some kind of perpetual Awe of their bodily rhythms and woman-ness. Maybe I don't hang around very many airy fairy women, but regardless of that do you ever hear men encouraged to perceive the awe of their body and it's rhythms. I mean a man appreciates a good solid morning turd I suppose, but why do women feel they should be feeling this mysticism and if they don't attribute responsibility for this to men or some other factor.

Sure the feminists will put all this down to some kind of reaction to oppression or something but do they ever consider the whole idea is a bit ridiculous. It all seems very self-centred and narcissistic or something to be wallowing in all this mind/body stuff. Haven't they got more weighty or even enjoyable things to agonise about?

This overly romantic celebration of womanhood I find quite amusing. I suppose some men go on about their athleticism but when they kiss their biceps it's more in fun really.

Do we worry about men who pay no mind to their biceps because he's a good little provider at the office? What a tragedy!

I trust a woman more who admits having periods and babies is a damned nuisance and doesn't see her womanly-ness as some higher plane. Except in the bedroom of course.

Who really sits around perceiving their body?

'Pornography has increased women's insecurity about their genitals'

How could it if it's primarily the guys watching the porn!? Guys seem to be able to navigate any 'size' issues, and that's a much more legitimate example of a 'narrow' beauty ideal:-)

Same with He-Man and super hero dolls. Boys aren't expected to agonise over the bulging muscles?
Posted by Houellebecq, Monday, 5 March 2012 9:57:11 AM
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Well I tend to agree with most of what she (the author) says.

So here's the problem.

Women, generally speaking, find it much harder to 'get off' than men, so, as a caring man, you feel obligated to satisfy your woman, often before yourself.

Now while this may be great, it can also border on being 'a job' rather than the pleasure it is usually participated for.

Another problem of recent times is the amount of disposable income, many young guys have these days.

So, they may go out (singles that is), have fun and, if they don't pick up, it's off to the brothel on the way home, for less than half a days pay and, no strings attached.

So some guys will view porn as a means of wetting their appitite, while others see it as an easy alternative to that job after, or before work.

BTW, most women these days have a 'BOB' to fall back on.

They often prefer that to the real thing.

In fact, many guys feel intimidated by BOB, especially as age sets in and things don't work like they used to.
Posted by rehctub, Monday, 5 March 2012 11:09:50 AM
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Hi,Very interesting reading But i would prefer to have sex with a older women.?
Posted by 50startingagain, Monday, 5 March 2012 11:37:40 AM
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